Children playing in a group sometimes need help and guidance. Some of the children have had little opportunity to play with others. Very young children "play together" very little and may need help as they go from one thing to another. The tired child may need help if he/she becomes "over active" and excited. The following guidelines may help:
1. Always stand or face the group of children to keep them in view, even when speaking to one child.
2. Be sure you have the child's attention before giving directions or making suggestions:
- Go to the child and say his/her name;
- Do not call across the room; and/or
- Walk to the child.
3. Speak in a low, pleasant, but firm voice
- Be matter of fact;
- Use words and tone of voice to help the child feel confident and reassured; and/or
- Be sure to "drop" your voice at the end of statements/directions.
Experiment to see the difference between saying "Put away your toys now" when the tone of voice is dropped at the end of the statement compared to when the tone of voice is raised at the end of the statement (as in a question).
4. Give positive suggestions
- Try to eliminate as many negatives as possible ("no," "don't," "can't" etc.);
- Focus on the positive behavior as in "Keep the scraps on the table."
Compare "Keep the scraps on the table." with "Don't put the scraps on the floor." The second statement puts the child in the wrong without any suggestion as to what he/she should do. The two statements differ in the way they aid or hinder the child's actions.
5. Avoid comparisons and competition among children. Children should not feel that their chance for approval depends on being "first" or "best."
6. Give logical reasons when reasons are in order. If the child stops the behavior to simply please you or is forced to stop without any logical reason given, the child won't learn the danger of the situation. Help the child learn appropriate behaviors as in the following: "Throwing the ball in the house may hit someone. You may throw it when you play outdoors. Would you like to colour or play with the blocks now?"
7. Avoid using "we" when discussing the required behavior
- Avoid sentences such as "We do not throw balls in the house." (The child may question a) who is "we" or b) why do I have to do as "we do.");
- Avoid suggesting that "We don't do this at school." (This may imply a difference in standards when both the Centre and the home may have the same standard.)
8. Offer more than one choice if possible
- "John has the truck now; would you like to play with the clay or the blocks?" focuses on the choices that are possible rather than the option that is unavailable;
- Offering only one option (playing with the clay) may not be a choice that appeals to the child.
Children may need special help with starting to play. Suggesting choices helps both the child who is hesitant about starting to play and the child who is excitedly running around. In both cases, you may wish to sit down, take the child in your lap, talk about the choices, go to the chosen toy/activity, and show the child some aspect of the toy or activity.
9. Do not offer choice about routines in the schedule. It's better to clearly state that "It's time to wash your hands." If you say something that seems to offer a choice ("Will you wash your hands now?"), the child may choose.
10. Avoid troublesome situations
- When two children are playing and a third approaches, a suggestion may help the two accept the new child: "Here comes Mary; she can help set the table.";
- If trouble is beginning, a change of activity may help;
- Give "advance warning" of planned changed. ("When you finish your story, it will be time for . . . .") Allow children time to change activity or routine; and
- Keep calm in stressful situations; your calm will help the children remain calm.
11. Clearly define limits when necessary; be consistent when maintaining limits. The adult must be responsible for enforcing limits for children so that they do not come to harm, hurt others, or destroy property.
12. Give the child only as much help as he/she needs. Allow the child to do the things that he/she can reasonably be expected to be able to do:
- You may suggest trying one way or another, but then let him/her do it;
- The result may be a "poor thing", but it is his/her own thing; and
- Be ready to give help before the child is completely discouraged by too much failure.
13. Help the children to take turns and to share their toys.
- If they need help, suggest that "Mary has the doll buggy now, and your turn is next.";
- Avoid "Mary had it first." (Soon you will see Mary clinging firmly to the buggy with all her thoughts on possession and none on sharing.)
14. Do not ask the children what they are making or make models for them in art media. If they want to tell you about their art, fine.
